I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm gonna fight the coyote
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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