You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize