I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
