I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
