these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
