i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
