Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
