We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
