she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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