At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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