she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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