the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Come see our sink grown plant.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
