i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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