I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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