I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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