Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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