I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
