2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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