I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
