Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
