i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
