How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
