just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
