Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize