i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
