ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
