im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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