I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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