So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
