I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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