She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
