i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
