sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
