just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
North Korea, Best Korea!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
