ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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