So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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