Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
