I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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