that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I need moral support for this bender
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
as a side note pls kill me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize