i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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