So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
