I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
