to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
