I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize