Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
