the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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