Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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