I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
