what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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