I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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