Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
