There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
