The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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