my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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