who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
