I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
