i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
