Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
