Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
