YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
