he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we made out on top of his cat.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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