Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
