no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
