Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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