It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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