Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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