6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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