Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize