Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
