he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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