if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
