I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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