If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
