i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
