Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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