I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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