why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
