She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
