I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're a waste of cheezeits
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
