brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
