I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
