so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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