every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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