Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
