My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
