I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
