How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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