I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
