next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
