I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
