I wish I could teleport
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
