I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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