I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
