how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
