I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The uberlube is also flammable
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
