do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
