I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
